“Progress”
In one of my recent therapy sessions, my therapist suggested I make note of all the progress we found throughout our session that day because we had talked about quite a few progress points and I often forget those.
To be honest, it didn’t all feel like progress at that moment. And what did feel like progress, I was afraid to call it that because (in my mind) then the other shoe would drop and everything would fall apart again. I wasn’t 100% healed and whole so how could I count it as progress? I hadn’t solved my migraines, reasoned my way out of OCD/anxiety, or cured my depression - so where was the progress?
Looking back, I can see the progress was in the baby steps, it was riding the waves, and it was not trying to escape the uncomfortable. Here are some more specific examples of how I saw progress in myself:
Progress was challenging my view of myself and my capabilities and making room for growth
Progress was moving away from rigidity and into a more flexible mindset
Progress was doing something different than using my therapy skills from DBT, ACT, CBT, and all the other acronyms (although those definitely have their place and are very valuable) to cope and quell the discomfort
Progress was when I met the discomfort and gave it space to come and go on its own and I didn’t let it derail me from living my life (which I have been for quite some time now)
I want to acknowledge that I realize progress can look different for everyone and can show up in many ways. My experience lately has just been that I see it when I don’t let my fears and intrusive thoughts tell me how I live my life. And in order to get there sometimes I need to not shy away from or try to escape the anxiety (which is SO hard). Making space for the thoughts/anxieties/etc and recognizing them for what they are and then choosing to continue to live out a life dictated by my values has been my key to getting my life back lately. It’s scary, but empowering. I’m still waiting for that other shoe to drop and I probably will be for a while as I teach my brain that not everything is dangerous. But I think I’m slowly letting that fear impact me less and am living my life more - and right now that’s all I can ask for.
